Where can submit this short romatic fiction story?
Aight i got this cool short story that i think is really good if u want to check it out go to this site http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic25266.html
tell me wat u think and if its good enough, where could i submit it?
this is not the final draft, i was unable to send it to that site again. I have the final done. Everything like the grammer was fixed.
- Eric
Tags: Fiction Story, Final Draft, Grammer, Romatic, Short Story
April 5th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Couldn’t get past the bad grammar in the first sentence, dude.
“It was a Saturday night, me and Jason’s five year anniversary.”
Honestly…
April 8th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
I have to agree, I only read the first paragraph. Bad grammar is a turn off to me wanting to read more.
You need to improve the grammar and be less vague about details. It sounds more like you’re talking to someone telling them this story – but if you’re writing you need to be clearer and let the reader know what you (the narrator) are thinking and feeling as you tell the story. You need, instead of just stating a bunch of facts as they happened, to describe surroundings and feelings. Don’t jump from one event to the next, smooth the transition. Don’t say “he said” “then I said” “he did X because Y” etc.
For instance:
Bad Grammar:
It was a Saturday night, me and Jason’s five year anniversary.
It was a Saturday night, Jason and my five year anniversary.
Bad Grammar:
He was taking me to some restaurant that he refused to tell me where it was.
He was taking me to a restaurant, he wouldn’t tell me which one.
Needs to be smoothed out:
We were driving and he said he needed to stop by the bank so he could pay for dinner. I offered to pay, but he insisted that he would pay and that I should keep everything in my purse.
Perhaps try – As we drove Jason steered us toward the bank saying that he needed cash for dinner. I had offered to pay but he wouldn’t hear of it and instead insisted I keep everything in my purse.
Bad Description:
We had just gotten back from this festival thing that was going on in our city.
“This festival thing” ?? Seriously now… o_O
How about: We had just returned from a local carnival and my fingers were still sticky with the remains of my cotton candy.
I hope that’s a bit of help in steering you in the right direction.