What do you think of the opening of my latest science fiction story?
It’s written from the perspective of an off-world being. Does it give you a visual image? Do you want to see more of it, or should I stop wasting your time?
In the Northern Hemisphere of the third planet from a small primary, there is a long and narrow island. A female biped, species Homo Sapiens, is walking across the sand toward the ocean. She is a maker of stories, some real and others fiction based on reality.
Story-making is ofen a solitary profession and she is feeling the need for companionship. Although she is intrigued with mystery, when she is not making stories, she believe in being straightforward. This is why she looks neither to the right nor to the left, but keeps her eyes focused on the incoming tide.
Okay, Ariana, but I have to wait to see if anyone else agrees w/you.
Jim: The reason the narrator knows all this will be revealed if I decide to post the rest of the story. Thanks for your critique.
- Elaine P…is for Poetry
Tags: Companionship, Critique, Science Fiction Story, Solitary Profession, Wasting Your Time
May 29th, 2009 at 12:45 am
aw it’s interesting!!! keep going you made me curious already
it seems like you’re gifted. i think your stories could make a great deal, especially for film base. believe me, i’m serious. i’m good at literature i have prizes to ensure that, so you can know you’re getting advice from someone who knows what we are talking about. go on, you’ve got what it takes! wish you luck!
May 29th, 2009 at 2:10 am
Needs some editing work, but it’s not bad. It *does* seem a little too earthly for an alien being. Presumably, the alien can 1) sense human emotion and 2) knows a lot about the “female biped” (”she is intrigued with mystery” is not something you usually get from scientific observation, and likewise the alien is aware of her personality traits and how they affect her actions)
Perhaps you explain how the alien knows so much about her later in the story?
As a scifi lover, *I* would like to know a *little* (maybe a paragraph or even sentence describing intentions) about the alien narrating beforehand - unless it is a surprise that an alien is narrating the story.
I would be happy to read any more that you write. Please don’t take this criticism hard - I love constructive criticism, and I hope mine has been constructive for you.
Jim,