What do you thing of this creative writing piece?
Before I said or did anything I took my hand and slowly,gently touched her face.
I move closer to her lips and whispered “I need you.”
She smiled and whispered back, ‘I need you too. I love you.”
I kissed her and life began. I finally could breath without being afraid. I finally could love without being told or shown how.
I finally could express my feelings to my one true soulmate.
- Isaiah-Grace
Tags: Creative Writing, Feelings, Lips, Love, True Soulmate
June 4th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
It’s good, maybe a tad sappy, but that’s understandable. You should have “I moved closer to her lips” instead of a “I move”. Other than that great work!
June 6th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
It’s okay but I think if you’re writing a story [that is, if you plan to] that you should probably start with a prologue so we know what’s going on, and who these people are, and why they’re doing what they’re doing. Also I think you should try to describe where they are because it’s hard for a reader to get a feel for your piece if they don’t know where it is, what time of day, and so on. But I still think it’s good.