Questions

Creative writers write to entertain. They entertain themselves, and they entertain those who dare to read what they write. This can be both good and bad.

If you write to entertain others, that’s good. If some of your family members get hold of your work, that’s bad. Of course, the last time they wrote anything was on a postcard in 1958, but they are an expert on writing. Somehow, moms, sisters and all the Aunt Tillies of the world always know exactly what is lacking.

There seems to be a school for writing advisors out there somewhere, and all of your family attended it. No one knows what they learned, or where, or when, but they seem to have graduated at the top of their class. They want you to know what they know because you should have already known it. Capice?

No one would guess these well-disguised editors have such a glowing secret career. Most people would think they are a common reader.

They read a magazine - somewhere - they can’t remember where - but it said you should have done it thus and so. You obviously didn’t read that article. You probably told too much about one character and not nearly enough about another.

And “while I’m at it,” they will say, “I might as well tell you the whole truth.” And you’re thinking - “No, tell me anything but the whole truth.” But they continue anyway.

“The setting was too flowery and frankly, a little boring. You know I wouldn’t hurt you for the world, so I’m saying this for your own good… “

And you’re thinking, “I’ll bet she wants to spare me rejection, humiliation and discouragement.”

And of course, they always “say it in love”. God help you when someone says something “in love”. You know you’re about to get both barrels.

Wouldn’t you like to “let them have it”? Just once? You might say something like this:

“And just who asked you anything to start with? I said you could read my story, not slice it and dice it and serve it as a sardine soufflé.

“What school did you go to anyway? Which courses did you take? I took Creative Writing 101 and Short Story Writing. I was totally unaware of your expertise. If I had only known of your editing skills, I could have saved a pile of dough. Where did you say you did your intern? I know a lot of people who could use your help. People who would appreciate it a lot more than I do.

“How much did you say you charge? You know what? I’m sorry I ever let you read my work. I’ll be most happy to write you a check for your services. Who should I make it out to? Ima Shredder?

“I admit, I really don’t appreciate this like I should. Here’s your check. And by the way, do you have any stories I could read?”

Just once, wouldn’t you like to say that? I would. Maybe that’s what heaven is all about.


- Deborah Owen

Losing a family member or close friend can be devastating and can have a lasting effect on all who knew the person who has passed. Dealing with the loss of a loved one can be difficult and may require talking about your feelings, expressing your condolences to a family member or writing about your grief in a diary or blog. Funeral or memorial services are also a means to share in the pain and express love for the deceased in order to heal.

One reason for the elaborate ceremonies around death is to help with that loss. Funeral rituals are designed to help ease the transition. In many cultures and religious traditions, part of these rituals is the delivery of a eulogy - a short memorial message celebrating the person’s accomplishments and important moments.

If you have been asked to deliver a eulogy, appreciate the honor you have been given. You may feel that you are too sad or that you don’t have the skills to write and deliver an appropriately moving tribute at a funeral or memorial service. If giving the eulogy is overwhelming to you, remember that while it may seem daunting, there are tips that can help you manage your anxiety and help you provide a service to both the living in their moment of loss and to the one you have lost.

If you are asked to deliver a eulogy for someone you know, take a moment to sort out your feelings about the deceased and gather your thoughts. A eulogy is designed to memorialize and celebrate the good things in the person’s life. Pulling together a selection of memories and comments about those things can be a remarkable way to begin to deal with your own grief. Also, ask other family members and friends to share their memories, anecdotes and stories of how that person touched their lives. Hearing and sharing these memories can help you create a more complete picture of the person for those who are hearing you.

Once you’ve gathered your information, decide how you will organize it. Eulogies can take a chronological approach, where the eulogist traces the person’s life in the order in which it happened. They can also be given as a story of a variety of portraits of important moments - snapshots of tender times, gently humorous anecdotes, and the like. If more than one person is delivering a eulogy, coordinate with them so both approaches are used.

If you find it hard to think of moving things to say, you may want to look at various sources for inspiration or short quotes to include in your speech. From the Bible or other religious texts to anthologies and websites of eulogy poetry and inspirational quotes, you may find the words you seek. Be careful, however, your own words are more important than anything you can find elsewhere. Keep the tone of the eulogy personal and use simple language so that the listeners can connect more directly to your words and the memories it conveys of the deceased. Typically, a eulogy runs around five to ten minutes in length.

Giving a eulogy is an honor. It is a chance to help others begin the transition to a life after the person’s passing. The eulogist has a chance to ease the pain of others by providing them with a picture of the best things about that person, something they can hold on to in the difficult days to follow. To be asked to deliver a memorial tribute is to be given the responsibility of assisting many. A little time and preparation in the writing stage can make a huge difference in the impact of your delivery and can help you and your friends and family in their time of need.

~ Ben Anton, 2007


- Ben Anton

Hey. Every time I read war poetry, especially war poetry involving soldier’s dying and touching war poetry, I begin to get very sad and mournful. I then start to cry.
But, I have a few family members that have served in the military before, but none that were actually K.I.A. or killed or anything. And, they’ve retired, so their not on active duty.
Why is this? Why do I cry and grow sad every time I read any kind of war poetry?
- Kyle M

I’m currently writing a novel, but have grown too close to my work, which makes me unsure about the quality of my actual writing. I’ve asked family members to critique the first page or so to see if I’m on the right track, but I’m not sure if they’re answering honestly or if they’re sparing me.

I’m too embarrassed to ask friends, professors, etc, and I’m a little nervous about actually posting it anywhere online (what with it being easy to steal and all).

Does anybody have any ideas?
- milz034