Grammar/sentence structure help?
I’m editing a friend’s NaNoWriMo story, and she wrote the following:
“There was the a smell of smoke and Kasan thought he even saw some fire, even though the rain was still falling with the same intensity as it had begun.”
The first “even” is definitely, unnecessary, right? And I think the second is as well. And I’m unsure about the last bit. Shouldn’t it be “the same intensity as when it began” or something? How would you phrase it? Also, should there be a comma after “smoke”? I know it’s two independent clauses joined with a coordinating conjunction, but I read in a style guide that the comma is unnecessary if at least one of the independent clauses is short. Does this fit that rule, or should I add the comma?
And of course, if I missed anything else that’s wrong, please point that out as well!
- Crystal H
